How To...Look like a Noob

SeñorJack

El Guapo
what if you work for starbucks? can you still go to work? should I still make lots of manly revving noises and show everyone how capable I am of twisting? I just want to be cool like you guys... oh and, we actually do have starbucks decals. like, not stickers, but decals. trust me bro, starbucks makes you ride faster. all the cool kids are doing it
 

cambo

Avid Rider
what if you work for starbucks? can you still go to work? should I still make lots of manly revving noises and show everyone how capable I am of twisting? I just want to be cool like you guys... oh and, we actually do have starbucks decals. like, not stickers, but decals. trust me bro, starbucks makes you ride faster. all the cool kids are doing it
haha, guess it's a good thing I don't work at Starbucks!

and I'll be needing a starbucks decal for my bike so that's good to know. Those are the conditions set forth by Noob so that I can use his metal machining equipment. lolol!
 

SeñorJack

El Guapo
hahaha you got it man i'll order a few. just fyi man, I think they are pretty sizable... like the forum ones haha.
 

alexk

Weekend Rider
I have my own way of looking like a noob.

Focus on executing a clean pass to avoid a construction rig with bad mirrors, only to fail to notice ONE of the three sets of lights at the intersections went red. Proper emergency braking, only to find someone dumped oil in the braking zone. Skid double-tire-lockup through the barely-red intersection, and stop normally for the second of three lights for the same highway intersection.

Then sit there... in the middle of a double-dual-carriageway intersection... waiting for the next green light... in the spot reserved for people who've screwed up.

Finally, proceed through the left hand turn on the green arrow, only to find that oncoming traffic has a full green light despite your arrow.

Be careful out there, guys. We all make mistakes occasionally - just make sure they only cost you your pride.
 

cambo

Avid Rider
I have my own way of looking like a noob.

Focus on executing a clean pass to avoid a construction rig with bad mirrors, only to fail to notice ONE of the three sets of lights at the intersections went red. Proper emergency braking, only to find someone dumped oil in the braking zone. Skid double-tire-lockup through the barely-red intersection, and stop normally for the second of three lights for the same highway intersection.

Then sit there... in the middle of a double-dual-carriageway intersection... waiting for the next green light... in the spot reserved for people who've screwed up.

Finally, proceed through the left hand turn on the green arrow, only to find that oncoming traffic has a full green light despite your arrow.

Be careful out there, guys. We all make mistakes occasionally - just make sure they only cost you your pride.
haha, duuude, reading your post made me nervous as I put myself in your shoes. I think a true noob (like me) would've DEFINITELY laid the bike down in that situation.

"spot reserved for people who've screwed up" lol!

and how do you get a green arrow and they get the green light?? damn, that would screw me ALL up!
 

alexk

Weekend Rider
I'm pretty noob, and I made some mistakes there. Thankfully, I'm alive and unharmed.

I've got a good 100 hours of track time in various cars, and the emergency handling I learned (and taught) applies directly to the motorcycle. Remember, always hone your skills, and be careful!
 

Rabbitman109

Lumen Junkie
Funny you mention this story. My wife had a noob experience when we first started riding. In her own words:

Options are always nice, so if anyone would like an alternative way to to look like a noob, I give you the following...

Step 1. Happily take bike on first solo trip 30 min away to a friends house.

Step 2. When leaving, start to take turn out of parking lot near friends house. Decide at the last minute the oncoming car is too close and come to a stop.

Step 3. Let bike that is already too far leaned over to be stopped, very slowly be lowered to the ground.

Step 4. Be unable to lift bike back into an upright position on your own.

Step 5. Stand helplessly next to bike, which is blocking the parking lot exit until someone pulls up behind you and has to help you lift the bike if they really want to leave.

Step 6. After good Samaritan leaves (thankfully w/o laughing) start bike. Shift into first. Stall. Repeat 4-5 times.

Step 7. Call husband and say the bike won't stay started.

Step 8. Put kickstand up as instructed, say goodbye and ride home.

Step 9. Arrive home and when husband sees mirror and passenger peg loose/out of place, explain that you didn't tell him about dropping the bike on the phone, b/c you didn't want him to be worried while you were on your way home.

Step 10. Refuse to ride solo again until purchase of lighter bike.
 
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97audia4

Member
Funny you mention this story. My wife had a noob experience when we first started riding. In her own words:

Options are always nice, so if anyone would like an alternative way to to look like a noob, I give you the following...

Step 1. Happily take bike on first solo trip 30 min away to a friends house.

Step 2. When leaving, start to take turn out of parking lot near friends house. Decide at the last minute the oncoming car is too close and come to a stop.

Step 3. Let bike that is already too far leaned over to be stopped, very slowly be lowered to the ground.

Step 4. Be unable to lift bike back into an upright position on your own.

Step 5. Stand helplessly next to bike, which is blocking the parking lot exit until someone pulls up behind you and has to help you lift the bike if they really want to leave.

Step 6. After good Samaritan leaves (thankfully w/o laughing) start bike. Shift into first. Stall. Repeat 4-5 times.

Step 7. Call husband and say the bike won't stay started.

Step 8. Put kickstand up as instructed, say goodbye and ride home.

Step 9. Arrive home and when husband sees mirror and passenger peg loose/out of place, explain that you didn't tell him about dropping the bike on the phone, b/c you didn't want him to be worried while you were on your way home.

Step 10. Refuse to ride solo again until purchase of lighter bike.

Haha I had a similar situation, I bought the gf a cbr 250. I got a phone call saying it wouldn't start. Worked her through the process to get it going. As I'm leaving for my second job of the day I see her coming down the road with gloves torn and jacked ripped up. Says she wants to just ride with me so we should sell her bike. No questions asked it was cl the next day.
 

Bajaedition

New member
OK here is One I pulled when I bought my new FZ8

I listened to the long drivel the mechanic gave me as he went over the features of the bike
I nodded carefully and after he was finished started to gear up
I put on my Jacket, my lid. my gloves, raised the kickstand shifted into first, started to pull away when I noticed the chin strap was not tightened.
SO I shut off the bike, took off the gloves and fastened the chinstrap, right in front of my salesman and about 4 guys admiring the bike.
I felt like a NUBE.:cool:

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

to make up for it, I restarted the bike,drove down teh driveway to the street with toes on pegs, balanced the bike for around 5 seconds while waiting for a car to pass and I could pull out.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE:rolleyes:
 

cambo

Avid Rider
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

to make up for it, I restarted the bike,drove down teh driveway to the street with toes on pegs, balanced the bike for around 5 seconds while waiting for a car to pass and I could pull out.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE:rolleyes:
Like a boss!
 

YamaHammer

New member
I will do one even better.

I bought my bike while doing some work training in South Florida. I had the bike loaded and strapped down in my truck with an electronic motion sensing wheel lock alarm on it. The damn alarm was so sensitive the rain was setting it off at 3 a.m. I'd been up late studying, so I was not happy to hear it going off at that time. I looked out the window to see my bike sitting there undisturbed.

The alarm kept going off, so i had to do something before the other guests started complaining. I went down and attempted to unstrap and take my bike down the ramp. I was half asleep and pissed. When I loosed one of the straps, the bike immediately fell over and took me with it. It cracked the plastic and put a small dent in the tank.

Now I was wide awake and livid! I could have slapped myself for being such an idiot, but i managed to calm down and unload the bike down the ramp solo. Found a dry covered spot and parked it...

$350 later I had fixed the crack, the dent is still there as an anti stupidity reminder.

Riding or wishing I was riding.
 

cambo

Avid Rider
ah geesus...you handled it like a man. I would've been curled up in the fetal position crying and rocking myself to sleep!

sigh...I forgot about this noob experience lol...good memories. I'm playing this back in slow motion...to the tune of "One Sweet Day" By Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey
 

YamaHammer

New member
I wanted to literally scream for about 10 minutes straight. "**** **** **** I CAN'T HAVE NICE STUFF! ****!"

Riding or wishing I was riding.
 

Bram

New member
I looked like a complete noob the very first time I was riding my first bike (FZ6).

I parked at a crowded market place where people where sitting on the terras outside bar's drinking and hanging out.
When I wanted to leave again, I started the bike, and put it in first gear. The bike died.

I started the bike up again, and put it in first....the bike died again.

3rd time same story.

I then called my dealership and told him the bike kept dying when I put in in first.
Everybody around me was close enough to know what was going on, and to who I was talking on the phone.

The guy from the dealership then started laughing and told me that probabely my side stand was still out, and that it's a failsafe when you put the bike in 1st gear.

That was exactely what happened and that's how you look like a complete noob (which I was) :)
 
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